Literally? I doubt it.

What is it with this word? Why do so many people use it nowadays where it doesn't make any sense? It does not emphasize your point and make your listeners more impressed with whatever you're saying. It makes it seem like you don't understand the meaning of the word "literally".

That class was so boring it was literally torture having to sit there.

Really?  Are you sure? Did you get thumb screws? Bamboo picks slammed under your finger nails?  Oh, I know - the teacher broke every bone in your legs by lifting a large wooden wagon wheel and repeatedly slamming it down on you as you lay spread-eagle tied to four stakes!  I just read a book set in the Middle Ages which included two scenes involving torture, and I assure you that forcing the unfortunate criminal to sit in a class at school was not one of the methods used.

That experiment literally blew my mind!

Eww. And still, like Humpty Dumpty in his dreams, somehow someone put you back together? That must have been ugly business.  "Blew my mind" is fine - there's nothing wrong with such figures of speech, until you add the word "literally".  Stop it.

Teenspeak: I am literally starving!

I don't like the use of this word to mean "rather hungry" with so many people in the world actually starving. If you are reading this on a laptop, Ipad, Smartphone, etc., you are not - and likely never have been - anything close to starving. Don't be an insensitive dolt. Just because you couldn't get your hands on a Snickers bar during the last two or even four hours - or because you had to skip one meal - doesn't mean you're starving. There is an extended period of "very hungry" before starvation ever becomes a threat.

I literally just wrote four paragraphs about this word.

Now, see? That one's ok, because "literally" means "actually," and I actually wrote four paragraphs. Are you duly impressed? Are you more impressed than if I had only written "I just wrote four paragraphs about this word"?  I doubt it. This word is unnecessary, empty, useless filler. It also does not help when you put aggressive emphasis on the word when saying it, or underlining when writing it.

I literally want you to stop using this word when you want people to take you seriously.

NEVER say "Me and..."!!

This one is easy, friends. Seriously - NEVER SAY "Me and..." no matter what follows the "and". I'll get to "me" vs. "I" in another post. Just get this one down, and never, ever say it. Don't write it either, even or especially on social media.

Me and my brother are going shopping after school.*

Do you want to go with me and Jim?*

I taught in a Catholic high school, and I told my students to "be the good Christian, and put the other guy first." I thought I was being witty and clever, and I was desperate for them to remember this simple rule. (It also sounds nicer than "People who say 'me and' will burn in the fiery pits of hell.") Use it if it works for you.

I would be satisfied enough if the rule ended there and people simply stopped saying "me and". If you don't remember what a subject or direct object of a sentence is, then stick to the above rule. However, readers who already have a good grasp of English grammar will know that there are instances when it does work.

The combination of [me + and] can be used if a comma is - or could be - inserted between them.
For instance:

She called me, and I agreed to meet her for lunch.

My brother punched me, and I punched him back. 

It's also fine in this sentence without a comma:

Me and you are both pronouns.

...but why would you ever need to say that?

 Just don't ever say or write "me and," and no one needs to get hurt.



* The red sentences should be:

My brother and I are going shopping after school.

Do you want to go with Jim and me? 

Present Perfect, Anyone?

I'm going to start by tackling my "favorite" error first to get it off my chest. Every time I hear this one, I want to run over a puppy with my lawn mower.

  I have went there many times.              have GONE
  She has already ran three marathons!   has RUN
  Have you wrote your essay yet?           have WRITTEN

The present perfect is used to indicate a past action that continues today or stopped recently. It's formed by combining the auxilliary verb "has" or "have" (depending on the subject of the sentence - the person who did the action) with the past participle of the verb. On this site, check out the "Note" on the right side to see how to form past participles.

The problem that has been gaining popularity in the U.S. has to do with irregular verbs. Irregular verbs are the ones that change form in the past tense rather than just adding an -ed, such as

drive - drove - (has) driven

write - wrote - (has) written 

go - went - (has) gone 

run - ran - (has) run 

Too many Americans have started using the second column words in the above list - which are the simple past tense forms - when they need the past participles. The simple past is used for an action that occurred and ended in the past.

I drove to the store yesterday.   (simple past tense)

If any of my first three examples sound ok to you, here is the error recreated with verbs that haven't been ruined yet, so you can hear what I hear:

I have did my homework.

We have knew each other for six years. 

She has took that test twice already. 

Have you saw the movie Idiocracy? 

Those sound horribly wrong to you, don't they?*  (Please say they do...)

Sadly, there is no pattern or rule for forming the past participles of irregular English verbs; one "just" needs to learn them. The good news is that you already learned them in grade school, so the work has been did done. (See what I did there?)

If you commonly - or even occasionally - say "I have went," "I should have went," or "I could have went," in the words of Bob Newhart...."STOP it!  Just STOP IT!" You're spreading crappy, rotten, polluted language.  Don't be a part of that.

I just thought of a way for you to check if you're using the correct form of most verbs. Add the word "been" between "have" and your verb. You're wondering if "have wrote" is correct. Add "been": "have been wrote" should sound awful, so you correct it to "have been written."  Therefore, use "have written."  This won't necessarily tell you what the correct form should be, but it will tell you what is wrong.  "The race has been ran," "They have been took," and "I have been went" should send up red flags. Take the time to check.

The above tip doesn't work with "come," but you should already know it's not "have came" because of the camp song "Oh, Susanna" with the line, "I have come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee..."



*Those red sentences above should be:
    I have done my homework.
    We have known each other for six years.
    She has taken that test twice already.
    Have you seen the movie Idiocracy?